what skill hat do I need to wear? I have no idea.

*Warning statement*: Friends, you may not want to read this, my depression is showing more than usual.

You know I really want to put down all the things that make me stress, cry, laugh, love and just go aw at. But I can't. they just all seem to blur together today. Our son is being bullied and teased again to the point he writing about it in his homework. Which he does not let me see it, but he shows his teachers. He sees no reason for school. He's only in 7th grade. Our daughter likes LIKES a college guy. did I mention she's not quite 15 yet? That is next month when she turns 15. John is so stressed over work (he was ready to walk on Friday) and that could turn out badly and I am praying so very hard it does not. both my mother-in-laws (one step one biological) have health problems and money problems that we can't help with. I dropped my algebra class because I am too stupid to understand it. I am going to start over at square one of college math. That will put me behind on my degree completion. I just hope I graduate college before Rhi graduates High School.

do I need to be a counselor today? a financial wizard? a dishwasher? a cop? a broken down old woman? What skill do I need?

I want to go to Alex's school right now and pull him out and home school him and tell the kids that are bullying him their parents are lousy parents. I want to walk in the QT and buy the lottery ticket that will win the top millions of dollars prize so John doesn't have to worry any more about taking care of his family. I want to give Rhi the skill to not get hurt by a man if he turns into a jerk. (personal past exoperience talking here).

I want Alex to learn to deal with bullies and find friends. He has one that he counts on. Other than that he sits at home and is afraid to trust anyone with his feelings and friendship.

John just wants to take care of his family and enjoy life. Not much for someone to ask for is it?

I want my family happy and safe and free of fear. I want the kids to have friends, be smart and intelligent and love themselves and their lives.

what skill hat do I need to wear? I have no idea.

It would be great if I could say everything is fantastic. Today I don't feel that way at all, I am scared.

It would be great to clean my house so it's not so cluttered, I just can't let go. It's a true phobia.

There have been many people that have known me that tell me I have it all and there are no problems in my life. Hate to tell those folks, they either never paid attention to me (story of my life) or they are extreemly dilusional.

so here is my rant of fear and heartache for today. I am praying so very hard a positive outcome for my kids, my husband and our family. I want to be able to write about how I finished John's sweater, I cleaned out the house, all the costumes for Archon are done, the bills are all paid off and we have no debt, I am going to Crete for a summer program for school, Alex has friends-true friends, Rhi has found her soulmate just like I did in John. I want to report nothing but good news and to stop crying.