July's end 2011

Okay, this includes more than July and no pictures, for now....

It's been more than a month since I blogged anything here.  On Facebook I haven't really updated much either.  I think I was tired, tired of talking of explaining of informing.  I felt that nothing but negative had come from me and I still do not have a largely positive scope of what is going on around me.  I just don't believe there is anyone interested in the boring things I have to say and have been doing.  But now it's all bottled up in me and you are going to get an earful.  Ready?

May 2010 the husband started working in Omaha, NE.  The end of June 2010 his transfer was official to Omaha, NE and the end of July 2010 we moved him into his apartment.  Emotionally this was one of the hardest times in my life in the last 20 years of my 50 years.  Trying to explain to those around me and in my and his family, 'yes we are still married, no we are not separating or divorcing, yes it is just for work, .........'  It is exhausting.  There are still those that over the last 16 months still don't believe me and I know that there is one person that I believe is hoping I am lying and that he has left me/us and is moving on without us.

Now he is being transferred to Fayetteville, AR.  Yep, he is moving again.  It is either that or he had a 90% chance of being laid off.  Well, even though it has been not only an emotional stress but a financial one too.  I really can not try to explain.  Unless someone has experienced a life like this I can't explain, you just would not understand. 

The great thing about this transfer is he keeps his job (very important), he can continue to care for us financially the way he feels he needs to and his new location is 100 miles closer to us.  I still have people ask why did he not move us? Why did I not just insist and pick up and go?  Why? Why? Why?  I can only explain with logic and what we decided because of both of our pasts. 

John knew that a layoff and/or a transfer was in his future by this time.  The company he works for has let go so many technicians over the last 10 years that they are spread out and working thin all over the US.  Not my idea of a business model, but I ain't the boss.  He has been with the company for 18 years and has an excellent feel for what could happen.  He did not want to drag us someplace that really felt temporary to him.  We also made a promise to ourselves when we had children that unless it was absolutely necessary we would not move put our kids through what we went through.  Neither of us have friends from when we were little and only I have just a couple of really great friends from High School.  We wanted out kids to have the chance to have friends from birth to the end of High School.  We want them to have that chance.  No, moving when I was young and John did not make us defective people.  We dealt with it and survived quite well.  We chose to make a commitment to give our children stability that we did not have.  What confused me was the promise I made to John when we married about how I would follow him where ever he went for work.  But that promise was before children and if you don't realize it or believe it, having children changes the entire game plan.  They need to come first and in my mind, if you don't put your kids first, you should not be allowed to have them in your life. 

See I am still kafetching about the transfer.  Even after 3 months of counseling I am still crabbing, crabbing less, but yes still crabbing.  See why I haven't written lately?  I can't let it go.

Here is the normal nutshell synopsis since June;
Kids had an extra week of school in June due to all our snow days.  Rhia had 3 classes to retake during summer school, she passed all three.  Alex went to two Boy Scout camps this summer and was Called Out for Order of the Arrow, I am so proud of both of them.  I took one summer class and it is over this Monday.  Alex has been playing computer games when not at camp (I try to find other things for him to do but I am not sure it is worth the fight on most days), Rhia has been spending a lot of time with her friends (Alex doesn't have any that like to hang out) and they both have been running me ragged on taking them places and doing things for them.  We have had our fights (normal).  I have only finished one knit project, I am still working on the one pair of lace socks I started over 6 months ago.  The house is still full of stuff, the kitchen floor still needs replacing, along with the bathroom walls and floor.  It has been so hot, just like the rest of the nation, that the outside of the house is not neatly kept like I like to keep it.  My motivation level and bank account has not allowed me to get these things done.  I don't like it and just one more thing for me to feel a failure about.

The kids and I have gone to Six Flags a couple of times.  Alex helped me with my final project, an ABC book using my own creativity.  Rhiannon since she finished her school before me has been trying to help here at home by doing dishes.   Like I said earlier they both keep me going and going by taking them places.  I have been trying to teach Rhia how to drive, she has so much anxiety and fear over it, but she keeps trying and I am proud of her for that.

The recent past has been challenging, demanding and often seemed it would never get better.  Those challenges are still there, I don't know if we have gotten used to them or are dealing with them better.  Now we now have new challenges coming up, both kids will be in High School starting August 11 and when and how do we help John move to Fayetteville?  Oh and I have to retake a math class that I did not pass in the spring semester. 

So right now Alex is bugging me to take him out to dinner since he just got home from camp today, so thanks for sticking around and talk to you later.