It has been just a couple of days over a month since I have posted.
It is the end of the school year and I have picked up a few guest teacher jobs, but mostly half days. Got a paycheck today for 2 weeks and it is $328. Can't live on that. I have applied to 8 school districts and have received 'position filled emails' from most of them. I am hoping that changes. I am 53 and I don't have the energy to work two full time jobs and still take care of my kids. But if that is my plight I will have to do it. So goodbye to my future dreams and keep the struggle. Guess that is all I was made for.
Kids are still in pain. The DD can't wait to be able to sign up for school in the fall. The DS is signed up for summer school. He still won't be able to graduate on time but I am hoping he will get out of his depression and try to graduate with the extended year the school has given him.
Had four doctor appointments this week. The surgeons were the most important. I go back in 3 months to find out if the nerve medicine is helping with the pain and healing my nerve endings that have been cut during the three surgeries. So onward to healing. I can not wait till they all say bye to me. Although this has been my social life since March 2013. But I am alive and I am glad for that even with the horrible things that are happening to me and the kids.
It is better to have faith than hope.
Hope is false dreams of a scared child.
Hope is the lack of wisdom.
Hope is the dream in the lie you have been told.
Hope is the heart not letting go.
Faith is believing with the soul.
Faith is telling the heart and head to quiet.
Faith is accepting the glass is half full and that is good.
Faith is saying thank you for having another day of struggle.
My faith is on crutches some days.
Good night all.
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