Life update

Hi anyone reading this.

I am home sick today so I am not only feeling physically down but emotionally too.  Being sick does that to me.  My head hurts so bad.  My neck is locked up.  My post surgery areas hurt a lot.  My brain hurts from stressing over finding work.  I am not working at all right now,  how am I supposed to take care of my children and home after the inevitable?

The physical I can only keep trying to take care of myself.  I just want to shut down.  I got some really bad news in regards to a job two weeks ago and have not worked since.  It caused me to crash to base bottom again.  I went from having hope to having none.  One year later after surgery number 2 of 3 and the announcement from him to end our my marriage when I am not under a surgeons care and have a job with insurance.  Just too much.

I go back to the surgeon in November for a followup.  She already told me I will having followups with her until one year after the last surgery with that will be February 2015.

Here is a brief update:
The shift solenoids in my car went out.
The alternator in my car went out.
The transmission went out in the car.
It needed an alignment desperately.
Thank goodness when I buy a brand new car I buy the extended warranty.  It paid for almost all the repairs over the last 3 or 4 months.  If not I would not have a car to drive right now.

The daughter's car needed tires. It also needed and additional $500 of work.  I covered the tires out of the last of my savings and my dad covered the other repairs.

My savings account is empty.  I have not paid the July bills including the house payment yet.  He has not had any overtime to cover them and well with me not working I can't help it either.  They will get paid, just not on time.

I keep looking for work.  Teaching jobs are about 1 job to 100 applicants and now is not hiring time. I have been applying to every district that will not bankrupt me with the cost of gas versus the pay,  for subbing jobs too.  Being out of work for 10+ years being a stay at home mom and my age I believe are working against me, that and I am no nonsense on a job.  If I see something needs to be done or addressed, well I address it.  I was the boss for 20 years average at my different jobs.  It is not an easy role to get out of.  I need a break in the right direction.  I keep trying.  I am tired of being accused of not trying to find work.  I actually have had people ask me if I was really looking for work.  YES I am looking for solid work.  You really think I want to live like this? No.

The daughter keeps saying we need to go legitimately grocery shopping.  I don't have the heart to tell her that just can't happen.  They are used to having the pantry and fridge full of good stuff and not scrounging for what to eat, even if it is just a beans and rice dinner.  The money just isn't there right now.  He is not working overtime, the work is not there and our bills are stupid.

I know this all sounds negative but, it really isn't.  It is reality.  A reality that I could never have imagined, and never did.