Today is my Birthday. I have been on this planet for 54 years, with mostly heartache and abandonment to show for it. That is how I feel right at this moment. I have $169 in my bank account, two kids, an estranged husband, two dogs and $3000 a month in bills. No full time work and I am struggling to find that full time work. I am subbing in a class today that the co teacher treats me like I am an idiot. Oh well, it's just temporary I tell myself, keep looking for that full time spot. I am sure it is my age and lack of documented teaching experience that is keeping me from getting noticed.
It was a year ago on 2/12 that I had my last surgery. I am still on medication from the surgeon to this day. She wants to wean me off it over the next year. She says I will always have a complication from bering cut open so often in an 11 month period. That complication is numbness and the occasional pain. In 5 weeks it will be 2 years since the first ER surgery to keep me alive. I still am amazed that I did not even know I was sick, that everyone, even the doctors wrote off my symptoms to my stress levels at the time. Well Stress can kill you, I know. Well since then my health has improved but other parts of my life have vanished.
Vanished like water evaporating from a puddle, leaving nothing but dead and dry earth.
For my birthday I am subbing, rare assignments, taking a bonus kid to get her driving permit then probably to Denny's for my free birthday dinner. Wow, such excitement. So, I am wishing myself a happy birthday and not going to wish, my wishes have not done well with coming true in my life. Very few have, I am grateful for those that have though, very grateful. With those, I don't see a life at all.
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