To me!🎂🎂

Nice day.  Spent it at home with my 2 dogs 🐕🐕and my cat🐈.  I took 3 tests for a class, did some research for two class reports and various other little things.  But I stayed in my pj's all day too.  Very relaxed and the house is a mess and I don't care.  💟

There was a time that I would have thought about not being loved or wanted because the person(s) I love were not with me showering me with gratification that I was alive and in their lives.  I would believe that the world would be better off without me alive.  Oh was I so childish and wrong.  Those thoughts were recent too, very recent. 

I was so full of fear until very recently.  Fear of abandonment, fear of not being loved, fear that I had to be what others expected to keep them near me so I did not have to face the fear of being alone.  Oh if I had just been who I am now some 35 years ago when I married my first husband when I was 22, I could have gone places, done magical things, oh so many wonderful things could have happened to me. 

But wait!!!

I can still do all those great and fabulous things now.  With my family's life span average I have about another 40 years to live, that is a long while.  I just hope that I mentally and physically live to experience all I would like to. 

So for everyone out there that thinks they have got to have the constant attention and admiration in physical form from someone.  Learn to love yourself first and like who you are and love spending time with just you.  Love the good and bad about yourself.  Accept the good and bad also.  Change what you can and want to change, but do it for you.  Not because some person says I could love you if you just did this or stopped being like that.  Those people will leave you anyhow, believe me, I know and have lived through it.

So don't be anything but you for you.  Love you. Like you. Live you. Laugh you.  And should you do something that you don't like, then talk to you about how to Love you again. 

And people don't need to be with you physically to love you.  It is nice, very nice, but accept the love of your friends and family from afar when you have to.  But please!!!!  Do Not become who you are not to make them happy.  Be who you are and the people that love the you in you, they will find you. 

And yes, I am still hoping there is a partner out there that will love the me that is me, without telling me, 'if you just stopped being you, I could love you.'  That is not love, that is control.

So, Happy Birthday🎈 to everyone I share a day with.

Love to the you that you are. 💌