It is cold out side. The kids are home from school for the Holiday. We've just been hanging around and being lazy. Lazy being the prime word here.

I have been fearful that I have lost any and all motivation. I don't even know if I have any goals anymore. More than the simple ones. I sleep more lately. I wait till I get mad at myself to do the chores.

We can't pay all of our bills on time, so I am waiting for the paperwork to sign us up for CCCS debt repayment program. I used it before and it worked very well. But I guess I did not learn my lesson, so here we go, back on.

There is so much going on in my head. That I'm not doing enough to care for my family, that I can't because I am a lazy person, This sucks I am not going to publish this one. I sound so sick. I have always thought depression runs in the family. When I think about my mom, I remember her sleeping all the time and telling me that what ever was wrong she did not want to hear about it. My dad will tell me I am airing my dirty laundry. So be it. I am 43 and don't know where to begin on shutting up my negative thoughts

Looks like I will have the guts to publish this after all. Air the dirty laundry and wash it clean.