Fragility of us all.
I am not sure right now what I will write in the next moments. I only know I need to.
Just over three years ago I thought my world was over. The changes I was being forced into in 2010 were some of the scariest I had been faced with. But so far my husband, the kids and I have all survived, but not with out our scars. There were so many days I thought my world was over, that I could not get out of bed, that I could not sleep. But we have all made it to today. The daughter is still having some problems and won't share them with me. The son is having problems still too and is having trouble sharing them too. To be honest I don't know what is going through the husbands mind anymore. We are living separate lives and it hurts. I don't have confidence that he will be transferred back to STL. It is a pipe dream I can't smoke anymore. The only hope I have is that when the children are old enough to fend for themselves that he and I can try being husband and wife again. There is more to being those two things than a piece of paper.
In March 2013 I nearly died for the second time in my life. The first was when I was 5 weeks old. By the grace of the supreme being, which ever one is looking over me, was my life saved by my husband getting me to the hospital in time and a great surgeon. I pray my second surgery in two months will be just as successful. Why do I bring this up again you ask? Here is why.
Two days after I came home from the rehab hospital a dear friend of mine passed away. Since then another friend began having kidney problems and now needs to have kidney stone surgery. One our sons friends fell and injured his kidney and has had one and may have to have another surgery. A girl friend of mine was in the hospital for an infection, they sent her home and 3 days later she was in ICU for almost 3 weeks and just got home today from a month in the rehab hospital, where she was receiving 24 hour antibiotics through an I.V. My husbands Maternal Grandmother passed away and his Aunts didn't tell the rest of the family. His mother found out from a phone call either from Memo's caregiver or a neighbor, I don't remember which. And now, one of the husbands close friends (and a friend of mine) had the police at her door this past Wednesday to tell her that one of her twin children had passed. Her daughter (who has a twin brother) had just turned 22 in March. My heart is broken for our friend and her family.
Our existence is fragile, cherish it and protect it all you can. Love it every step of the way.
1 comment:
Angie, you write beautifully. I could feel all your emotion in every word. I think the bottom line of all this is we just have to have faith! I have wondered so many times why I'm still here, but I love every day! Even the ones when I don't dress, don't wash a dish and don't do anything but play on the computer and watch TV! (Come to think of it sometimes those are the best!!). But I have decided that every challenge I've ever faced (and as you know I've had a few) had God's hand touching it. Granted it is very hard at times to imagine what HE was thinking, but I believe with all my heart he has control and everything happens in his time! Keep the faith, Cousin! Love you!
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