Today

I have so much to say but can't say anything. 

The son is failing school again this semester so far.  He has sunk down so very low and just does not care anymore.  I know how he feels.
The daughter is shutting it all out and only gets angry when the subject comes up.
One side of my support system tells me I should have done everything differently.
There are no shoulda, coulda, woulda's that can make up for anything.
The other side says I am doing and did just fine. 
After all I did what I knew to do at the time.  We all do.  We only do what we know how to do at that moment in time.  It's not write or wrong it is just what is.  If we can acknowledge that it may not have been right for someone else and we apologize for hurt feelings, then we have grown.
People need to think about how their actions affect others.  I forget this sometimes but I try very hard not to hurt others and their families.  That is wrong.

I read today that the worst term to use on someone that made a mistake by someone else standards and personal boundaries is "you are better than that".  Well no we are not.  We are doing what we know how to do at that moment in time.  There is a woman in my family that I love so very much, but she makes people crazy because she does not have very many filters in her logic tool box. She makes people bat shit crazy, but I accept her for who she is and love her all the same.  It is not a matter of her to change so much and it is that if you love her you accept her for who and how she is.

Someone is always trying to make me change.  Well I want to change for me, not you.

I did actually eat today without feeling sick while doing so. 
Since March because of the two surgeries and the emotional strain I think I have lost 30-40 pounds.  Not the best way to loose it but..
Winning the big bucks jack pot on the lottery would be cool.