Catch up time.
A week ago Friday I passed out at work. Straight to the floor in front of two students. I hit my head hard, bruised the area near my temple, it still hurts but does not look as bruised as last week. I did get a cut there but nothing bad, from where my glasses hit my temple/eye area. I bent the crap out of my glasses too, but I straightened them back into shape. The principal sent me to urgent care. They did not do much to make sure I was okay but they sent me home to rest. I contacted my primary doctor and he said just be careful and call him if I needed him. The urgent care doctor, and mine, actually did not think that it was more than my body fighting back from the stress (emotional and physical) and the past two surgeries I have had. My body and my brain and emotions have and are going through a lot. So far in a week I have been shaky but day by day getting physically better.
I still am having pain from the last surgery. It is the sutures under the skin in the muscles. It hurts sometimes and pulls. But nothing abnormal the surgeon says. Just take pain meds if it hurts too much. Thing is it will take until maybe next September to heal from that one. But wait, the surgeons told me it will take from 6 to 12 months for the sutures to heal and dissolve from the surgery I still need in February 2014 too!. Twelve months of surgery, healing for 18 months total. Give or take a month or so. But I am alive.
I am still having hives daily. It's only at night though and usually where my skin is the hottest and before I go to sleep. Doctor says there is nothing wrong with my blood, they checked the hospital results from the past two stays, so there is nothing other than stress and pre menopause that may be causing them. At first they thought it was the strong prescription pain medications causing them. But unless I still have some of those in my system from the last surgery, they are saying stress is probably the main cause. Just like stress was a factor in my intestines getting a hole in them at the beginging of the year. Which for those of you that don't follow my drama, is why I had surgery in March. I had a week intestine spot and was slowly poisoning myself and did not know I was sick till the hole developed.
Okay back to now. More joy of middle age I guess. Along with other things going on, not the life I imagined. I thought it would be better for me and my kids. But I digress.
The daughter is experiencing the life of retail. She has two part time jobs in the mall and she goes to college two days a week. She is already worried about paying for next semester. I don't blame her because I don't have the money this time. I hope her student loan money comes in and gets approved. She is hoping (but it may not happen the way she spends) that she will make enough over the holiday season to pay for school herself. Well little girl welcome to the adult world of trying to pay for living. I have some medical bills that were not cover by insurance for some reason from the last surgery. Oh joy again.
The son asked a girl out on a date. Her family would only let her go out on a lunch date so yesterday I drove them to a local restaurant. They spent two hours hanging out and eating and talking (I went to the grocery store). He said he had a good time and he likes her. She is a simple girl, cute and in two of his classes at school. This would be his third girl to date in the last 2 years. As the daughter says, he's a player. No he's a great kid, not a player, I would beat his butt. The girl says she tells him all the time to do his school work so they can graduate on time. I told her thank you. But unless he opens his eyes and gets motivated to admit to his mistakes and get his head out of his butt and make up for what he has done wrong, he won't. Why do men have to be such.......... But If that is what he needs is an extra year, well......
You know even though I can not live my life the way I want to or expected to, I would not give up my kids and my choice to have them for the world. They are my babies, my wonderful gifts. Oh I had goals but they have all been altered or tossed out for various reasons, the son not doing well in school and sometimes not well emotionally and all my surgeries are only part of it. The daughter figured out around September 2012 that she was going down the wrong path and she has turned herself around and is growing up very nicely. I am so proud of her. I am proud of both of them. They are having to deal with things they should not have to but they are doing the best they can. We all are.
We had some really bad storms go through yesterday too. My heart goes out to all the families that have lost loved ones and all their belongings and property. I can not imagine whet they are going through. I really can't. Wow, the guess is 81 possible tornadoes and 5 states with 6 dead. We were very lucky that the storm did not slow down or it would have hit us just like it did in Washington, IL.
God take care of all of them please.
On a lighter note. I finally got my test results back for a certification test in teaching I took 2 weeks after my last surgery. I was so physically and emotionally sick when I took that test I expected not to pass. Well, guess what!!!!! I passed so now I have another certification. I have 1st-6th and Early Childhood to 3rd grade. In a tough teaching fight to find a job with all the unemployed and new teachers in the market I hope it makes me marketable for a job next year. Yes next year, no one is hiring at this time of the year. I will have to settle for substituting a couple of days a week. Not enough to pay any bills but it is all I can do now. I need to stay strong and set a good example for the kids.
I have tried to sell my yarn I have in stash on eBay but I get no where what I paid for it. But it slowly gets out of my house. I have more than I can knit or crochet. I still sit around the house and just look at all the things that are here. I have little motivations because there is so much here and other reasons. I have lived in my home since, well, a long time and if I had not had to refinance it twice it would be paid off in a couple of years. That would have been nice. Well that won't happen unless I win the huge jackpot lottery. But back to the stuff, there were months this year I could not lift anything and with being in college for 4-1/2 years to get my degree in December 2012 and parenting and family manager, I really have not had the time. I am also not the best housekeeper. I will honestly admit to that one. Sorry kids, I have not taught you how to keep house well. I love you though.
So that is a little of what is going on in my life and in my head for now. I know you may have read a lot of this before but it is all I can talk about now.
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