I took the kids to see 47 Ronin as my present to them. It was really good to go out with them and do something fun and not be overwhelmed by our problems. The movie it self was very good but I would have liked to see more of the fantasy side of the story. And yes the movie is based on a story which is based on a historical legend form Japan (I will call it a legend at this point because I don't know the facts).
I did cry and get very lonely in parts of the movie. Those parts reminded me of words and promises that have been said to me in the last 21+ years. Anyhow, go see it, and if you find a copy of the story it is based on, read that too. I read it years ago and will have to buy another copy of it now.
Why do others think they know what is best for you and what you need? This question is stuck in that irritating spot in my head, you know the place you can't clean out easily sometimes. It's like chasing a feral cat and it keeps getting away. Anyway, in the last two days I have been TOLD what I need to do to be better. What they were really saying was to be different because apparently I am so defective as I am that I can not function. What they are really saying is that they do not accept me the way I am and therefore I am defective and I must change for them because they know best. This goes back to the other post of "You are Good Enough". I have never felt accepted, wonder why.
Well if what they want me to change into is a self centered jerk, won't happen. I admit I am selfish and demanding a lot of times. There are always reasons for that, I am not that way all the time. If I ask you to do the dishes then it is because I am tired of doing them mostly myself, or looking at them when I did not make them because I have not been home. If I calmly say, thank you I am not interested in that but you get it for me or make me take part in what ever it is, yes I will get upset because you did not listen to anything I said. A few years ago I took the kids and some of their friends to an event that I was interested in, always have been. I have talked about this subject and said how I liked it. The response from a family member was, "I did not know you liked that" when they should have because if they were paying attention to me they would have seen me showing interest in the subject from the time I was a child.
About a month ago I had someone that has known me intimately for over 20 years tell me I should start doing something specific that I enjoy doing. Well I have not enjoyed doing or going to those meetings since I was 12 or 13. And this person did not even know me then. I asked why they thought I enjoyed that activity when they have never but a dozen times seen me take part in it. I don't remember the answer I was given. Makes me crazy. There are so many people that think they know me and they don't. What is so hard about asking a question instead of making an assumption. Ask me! Always ask, don't presume you know. Because you may not. This goes for anyone, not just when you are interacting with me. There could have been so many problems avoided if the question was asked and not presumed.
On the health front, still some major pain from the last surgery. The date is set for the next surgery related to the ER surgery in March 2013. This next one and hopefully last one will take the longest to heal from, about 8 months to 12 months. Why? because they are having to not only put in a piece of surgical material to help my organs stay where they are supposed to but suture all the muscles in my abdomen together that can be got too and that are effected. Now in regards to the shoulder that surgeon wants me to do physical therapy to build up my muscles and hopefully avoid surgery for years. The shoulder is not related to emotional stress, but the other is partially caused by that.
The DD's truck is still not healthy either. My DBiL is trying to figure it out for her so she and I don't have to figure out how to get her another car. The next one would have to be on a loan and with my present situation I would probably not qualify. The DD is also thinking about not going to school next semester. She thinks going to school and working 20 hours a week is too much. OMG I have spoiled children that think only of satisfying their pleasure. I told her she was going to school, we will figure out a way even if I have to work an extra job. I can't do this on just substitute pay and the schedule always varies. One week I could be working everyday and then not even get a single call for two weeks.
Okay I am tired and getting angry and upset.
There is your info for today. Night.
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