The tale of the beat up little red truck and more

Well the kids are on winter break now.  I know they have looked forward to it.  Sleeping in for the DS and staying up playing video games.  The DD has been out late with friends and enjoying her work (I hope) and getting ready for the next semester of school (I hope).  She is not sharing much with me about it.  The DS saying he thinks he passed all but one class last semester but he can’t show me the passing yet.  But they are ready for a break, so am I but the mom does not get a break. 

I am thankful for having my life.  I am thankful for being able to pay our bills.  I am thankful for still having insurance to cover my upcoming surgeries.  I am thankful for my children, friends, and family that are standing with me.  I am thankful that I wake up every morning regardless of my pains. 

The DD’s truck broke down again last night.  She called me at about 1:30am to ask me to come get her.  I got out there; her truck still did not want to start.  Got her home, I got to sleep and then proceeded to have a horrible nightmare that woke me up screaming.  The short version: Someone is trying to hurt/kill me by setting my bed on fire and I was tied down in it under the covers.  I tried getting free and scream for help.  Family members heard me screaming and no one came to help me. They stopped by my door and looked and just kept going.  There were two women that I don't know that were doing it, that set my bed on fire trying to kill me. A man tried to help me but they, the women, made him stop and leave. They told him that they would not allow him to help me, that they didn’t care and they did not care if he cared and wanted to help me.  They forbade him from helping.  He begrudgingly walked away, looking back at me while I lay there screaming trying to break free and get out of my burning bed and away from the two women trying to kill me.  They stayed to watch. I finally screamed myself awake. 

I let the little dog in my room and let him sleep with me.  I felt I needed him there to warn me and help protect me.  My heart was pounding like I was having a heart attack, but I don’t know what that feels like.  I woke panicked and hyperventilating.  The dogs whining outside my door helped to wake me from my dream.  When I woke up I felt like if the dogs had not been there noticing I was in distress and trying to get to me I would have not woke from the nightmare.  It still haunts me. 

The DD’s truck:  It has stopped working when it is really wet and cold at the same time.  It only runs when it is dry out or cold and no moisture.  I am trying to figure out how to fix it cheaply or she needs to stop spending her paycheck on fun stuff and start making car payments.  She only makes about $80 a paycheck every two weeks from one of her jobs.  The other one is only a Holiday job.  I don’t know what to do.  If I had $10,000 I could buy a friend’s 2-1/2 year old Kia Soul for what she owns on it.  It is very great shape.  But….  My paychecks for two weeks of work are just $600.  I do not know how these substitutes raise a family on just that.  And I have no guarantee that I will get a sub job everyday of the week while school is in session. 

As you could tell from the talk about the DD’s truck, it is raining and just a little warmer than normal.  We are supposed to have some heavy ice threat tonight and tomorrow.  I am tired of the rain, but it is better than sleet. 

I am still obsessed with that nightmare.  I have not had a nightmare like that in years.  It has been so long that I could not tell you when the last one was.  It was so real and horribly scary.  It was so real that I felt like someone put a curse on me and my family.  If I was Catholic I would have the house exorcized. 

I have done some knitting.  I found some partial balls of big wool yarn and made some what I call, left over hats.  I may have made 7 hats.  A couple of them are already claimed and then I may put the rest on Etsy or use them for gifts.  I don’t know yet.  I did sell some of my yarn on Ebay about a month ago, but none of it has sold lately.  So I guess I will wait till January to put it up again. 

Not much else.  The house has been lonely and sad.  The kids are trying to stay strong and so am I.  I am nervous about the next surgery.  There are so many complications and possibilities for things to go wrong.  I could end up in an Ostomy bag again for 6 months and start the whole yearlong process of surgeries and healing again.  I do go to the orthopedic surgeon Monday for the assessment on my shoulder.  I am in pain constantly now between the shoulder and the surgical hernia.  I am glad I have a high physical pain tolerance but I am so tired of being in so much physical and emotional pain.  So again even though the next surgery scares me I want to get healthy from all of this.  I still have that question of why did I survive in March?  We will see if I survive the next one.  I understand that there are more negative possibilities of things to go wrong with this one than the last one when the ostomy was reversed. 

Well that is it, same old same old, but with a little more.  Thanks for looking and reading and send your well wishes and protective prayers our way as always.  Love ya’ll!!