Sunday update

I was going to update on a lot of what is going on in my world.  But everything I wanted to write has completely slipped my ability to put into print right now.  So it looks like you will get some pictures and some more ramblings.  You may even get this in a two part post.  

 

I love painted ponies

This was not as near as much fun as it used to be for me.  Traveling up and down Main Street St. Charles Missouri was always one of my most favorite things to do with  a certain someone that I love so very much.  But I will not explain why it is not what it used to be so I don't depress you and myself more.

I did take some pictures of the old train depot on the river side but they really did not come out well.  But the lights were beautiful.

This is a foggy picture of a house in my town.  It was on the Christmas Light Trolley Ride voting list.  

As a child my dad would drive us around to look at the houses that had Christmas lights up.  I don't know if my sisters enjoyed it but I always did.  We got hot cocoa after almost every drive.  I tried to do the same with our kids when they were little but it did not go over so well as I remember.  Maybe they will do it with theirs some day.

Well, I should have reviewed my previous posts.  Just to see if there is something I could add or build on.  It has been lonely around here.  Kids have had good days and bad days, along with me.  I wish I could tell you about the DD's first semester at college, but she has not shared her grades with me.  I am sure she did great though.  The DS's school on the other hand is still pretty much where it was last time, not passing.  The DD can work through the issues at hand between school and her two part time jobs, the DS though, he has not developed coping skills other than hiding on the internet.  He is trying though.  He has to get over some personal issues to see a way to gain ground on his education and even learning to drive and other such normal teenage matters.

My doctor has me doing some things and medication to get ready for my next surgery.  But there may be a #4 in 2014 too.  I have to go see a surgeon for one of my shoulders.  It has become painful again and I have lost feeling in my fingers a couple of times.  So that is on the books now too.  Not the surgery just the initial appointment for an assessment and to look at my x-rays as soon as I get them taken. 

The DD has had some vehicle problems.  Her truck keeps dogging out on her.  The distributor cap was changed today by my DBinL and he hopes that solves her problem.  We shall see.  I would like it if she got more hours after Christmas and saved her money to buy or make payments on a car.  Not that she needs to do what I did but I was 19 and had a car payment.  I drove that Firebird until it took a quart of oil to get to work and one to get home.  I don't have the money to help her get a car or fix this one.

I have been trying to figure out how to support my house hold on substitute pay if I don't get a classroom for next school year.  It won't happen.  $600 every two weeks does not pay bills that total 4 times that.  I will let you know if the divination for the winning lottery numbers work.  Has not yet, but.....

I don't even want to talk about the other elephant in the room at my house.  It does no good but make me so very upset I can not function.  When I went to the doctor this week for the post and pre surgery look over and the referrals and medication changes my doctor told me he was happy with my weight loss since February but not the way I lost it.  I was always a big girl and needed to drop some pounds, but since the end of February 2013 (about a month before the er surgery) I have dropped 40 pounds and 25 of that has been due to the stress since September.  I still get the shakes, they just come over me like a sneeze.  Sometimes it takes hours for them to go away.  I still have certain times of the day I can not eat without feeling ill.

The dogs are currently laying under my feet and snoring.  That sounds really good to me too.  I will end for now, enjoy the meager pictures and I am off to read for a while and then sleep.  After I switch out some laundry though. 

I am going to leave you with a piece I wrote today.

Cold fingers gripping

Angela  ©

Aswg (asw) 12/15/13  ©

The invisible cold fingers grip tightly around my neck

Crushing my throat keeping me from screaming

Screaming is comforting yet these invisible fingers connected to the hands of anguish control my cries for help

Crushing, controlling, containing the cry for help

I could stop breathing anytime without warning the grip is so tight

My brain cries out inside its container and my heart cracks and bleeds remorse through my whole body

Some hear my choking and gagging cries

Some try to unclamp the fingers that control me and my cries

Others look on and wish they could add their own crushing blows to my soul to kill me helping to crush me completely to suit their desires

Creator in all forms is called to help, cry with me and clear the fingers that try to kill me and control me

Creator in all forms comfort me and the little ones that came from me

The invisible cold fingers continue to grip tightly around my neck, crushing, controlling and cursing me