Home from the hospital

I came home from the hospital on Friday February 15.  I really could have used another day there but without something major the insurance would not cover it and I don't have money to cover it.  I was unsteady and weak and not eating a full menu when I came home on Friday.  I was sent home with two drainage bulbs in me which I care for myself.  I have some bleeding from where they are in me.  No visiting nurse this time around.

Since I had to be completely opened up again the surgeon did some work on my scar from the first surgery.  She, in her words, did a plastic surgeon trick to remove the first ugly scaring to give me a 'sexy' scar now.  Not like anyone will see it, I don't wear bikini's.  But it does look better or at least I imagine it will when all the bruising and swelling goes down in a month or so.  Oh and the pain.  The nurse really was not kidding when she told me the pain would be as much as the first surgery last March.  Not that I do much of it, but laughing at something funny on TV really hurts.  Coughing is so horrible painful it makes me cry.  I can only sleep on my back because any pressure is torture and the drain bulbs get in the way.

My mom asked if I wanted her to spend the night and I told her and Dad that I was fine and the kids were home to help me.  Well, I had a very scary thing happen Friday night.  I woke shaky, very weak, dizzy and extremely nauseous.  I made it to my bathroom, put some water on my  face, sipped some water.  Made my way to the kitchen and found a banana and sat and ate that very slowly and sipped some water.  It took about forty minutes but I felt well enough to go back to bed.  It really scared me so I asked a friend to stay Saturday night in case I had another episode like that.  Well Saturday night it was a nightmare that my friend and my daughter had a hard time waking me up from.  Two scary nights.

The pain meds help of course with the pain, but they mess with my brain and like now keep me awake.  I know it is weird. But they relax me to the point I can't sleep even though I am extremely tired.   I had the same problem the last two times.  Hopefully this is the last surgery and my body does not reject the surgical mesh and it is my last surgery.  I won't know for about 6 months if there needs to be another surgery for the surgical hernia.  I think I mentioned it in the last entry, but the damage was 3 times or more bigger that originally thought.  So the reason for the full open surgery and not laproscopic was because of the size and the damage done to my insides.

I can not lift again or do much of anything.  My poor children are tired of taking care of their mother, it is not their job, but it is just the three of us at home.  I do have friends that have come by to help, and gone to the store for us and check on us everyday somehow, via text, phone, dropped by, etc.  I love you all for caring and trying to help us. I have one friend that was with me everyday from the day of surgery.  Being at the hospital everyday, checking on the kids, being here at the house everyday for a few minutes to hours.  Last night for my birthday two other friends came by and surprised me with a birthday cake, presents and soup for the kids and I.  One of the next door neighbors made us a meal last night.  Another couple took the kids out for dinner the night of my surgery.  I don't know why I feel so alone when I have great friends doing these things and even just texting from out of state to check on us.  Wait I do know why but I am tired and in pain and that is all I am saying.

The son promised me he would go to school while I was in the hospital.  Well he did not go.  He called in sick to school on Thursday and Friday.  I am sure he was not feeling good and worried about me.  I can not be too angry with him.  He is my sensitive one.  He is like his mother in that regards.  If he is upset he gets physically ill.  He is not passing school still, but I am proud of him for finally talking to his therapist and his school counselor and social worker about what is bothering him.  

Wish the daughter luck, she has an interview tomorrow for a second job.  Her first job is only giving her about 8 hours a week.  She can't fill her car up on that and get around much less chip in for her auto insurance.  She found my present money that I was hiding so I could buy myself some new work clothes that fit so she could put gas in her car.

Well the wind is blowing really well out side.  It is 3am and I need to try and sleep.  I promised a neighbor I would be available by 8am to sign for a package.  And if I keep rambling on I will write something that will cause people that do not like my openness to call or email me and harass me.  So I will try and nap now.

Thank yo to my family and friends that are helping the kids and I.  Loves.