Loneliness

It happened again today.  I instinctively thought  with happiness that I should call him.  Then I remembered as my heart broke again that he does not care anymore.  I can't call him and tell him about my day and lean on him.  I gave him my life and I can't call.   He left me because I am broken to him.

I can't trust anyone now.  Not right now.  I want to love again.  I want to be loved again. But I don't know if I can.  I feel like such a burden in life and to everyone.

Why was I sent back from the veil? Sent back and told my place wasn't ready yet? Well I don't seem to have a place here either.

I have no one to cry out to.  I call out to myself and I get no joy out of that. No one that I feel cares for me to tell them about my day, about my life, I always feel like I am in the way now.

Why am I still here?  To be miserable?  When loneliness crushed me like this I can't think about a good reason I was brought back from death.  Just to be told I was broken and no good and tossed out into the garbage.

Creator brought me back from death for a reason.  I only hope it is to not be miserable for the next 50 years.

There are people I want to get closer too very much.  But like a dog that has been kicked and smacked with the paper I am gun shy of letting my feeling be know. So I keep a distance and a wall.  My life of the past 25 years has taken a great tole on me.  I don't know if I can ever recover.