Okay, Ready?

Tonic water - check
Ice - check
What goes with that - check

Here is an update so far.  Yes I know Ms. Internet, no one is reading this, but it feels good to think someone is and it really feels good to type it out. Part of my self therapy so, hush up.  I am going to type and talk to the world, or I will be silent.  Either one of those items is what a strong person that believes in themselves does.

Monday I went to urgent care when I got off work.  I was knocked down purposefully and slapped in the face twice. My glasses were broken and my left knee went numb. I went back for a followup 3 days later and I am going to back on Monday am and start physical therapy on Tuesday night.

Today I went to the eye doctor about the glasses and decided I should have a checkup.  My prescription changed, no big deal and the part to order to fix my glasses was ordered on Thursday when I went in to see if they could fix them.  Well I ordered new lenses (I like my frames) and had a Groupon for the place and got a second pair ordered, lenses and glasses.  I have a special condition in one eye so my glasses are not cheep.  Let's put it this way, I don't make that much in a month, that is how much after the Groupon was taken off, and no they do not take my insurance. So, glad they will take payments, but that means I don't get my glasses when I need them.

While there my doctor told me I have something wrong that he hardly never sees.  So now I am on a month long treatment for this.

Sorry, the son came home from spending the day with his father and his step-mother (who is only 6 years older than the son).  Now I feel like complete worthless shit.  The son burst into the house so excited, telling me that this was the best day yet.  So I am a piece of crap I guess.  I want him to spend as much time as he can with his dad.  My, Our, son may be 19 but he is emotionally maybe 13-16, he is still in high school, he is on the spectrum slightly and he is closeting himself at home and not facing the world.  He emotionally, mentally and intellectually can not handle it. Not after all the shocks of the last 8 years.

So I feel like sh-t now.  I feel a failure as a mom, a caregiver, a former wife, a woman, a person.  There is a lot more under the surface helping these feeling come to the surface.  A lot more.

So I guess I am a poor excuse for a mom, a wife, an employee, a person.  I feel like crap and am going to be alone and a piece of crap for the rest of my life. I am tired.  I can't even live my life and find joy.  I am just crap.