Who is listening?

I know our creator is listening, but can the being even do anything for me?

I know there will be people that see this.  I know there will be people that think I am full of crap or stupid or crazy.  I know the greater majority won't care and will just go on.  I also know there are others out there that may be thinking and feeling the same as I do. So for those of you that feel the same or have felt the same I will take the hit and let others know how we can feel.

I know who I am but I am questioning my path and what I am meant for.  Work is such a struggle to do what is expected with all the uncontrollable things that there are. I have so many emotional problems at my job, I cry everyday when I leave, I don't know how to keep going though it and help them and I don't know how to walk away.  I still have not been approved to keep my job after December.

I don't know what my path is.  I don't know anything anymore, except that I know who I am.

I am tired of being alone with a kid that is old enough to be on his own or in the military but won't leave the basement.  He has no desire (that he shows me) that he wants to get a diploma and go out into the world on his own.  He also will not do anything to take care of himself that requires even the smallest effort.

I am tired of being alone.  The only men that have shown interest in spending time with me on a social basis are men I am not attracted to as more than a friend.  But each of these men make me feel uncomfortable when I am with them because their intentions are to be more than friends. So I guess I have had my opportunities to make a happy life with another and it was screwed up.  I will become a non emotional, resting bitch face woman that will be the talk of everyone she knows as the sad, poor thing, that never smiles again.  For what reason to smile.

For what reason to smile?  I teach troubled children, not what I trained for but it is where I am.  I deal more with behavior than I can actually teach.

Guess there is nothing for me to look forward to.  I don't need a man in my life, but I get lonely.  I guess I don't need to have the job I have if that is in the cards. I can always find something else I guess, I hope I can. I guess I can be the crabby and sad lady on the block, if that is what is meant to be.  My whole life I have not been good enough for anything I have done or for most people in my life.

All this recent stress I have been having mini panic attacks.  At least I hope that is what they are.

Why do I write here for the world to see?  Because, I am tired of giving this information to people I know, and I like to talk and tell my story.  I am always looking for someone who cares.  I am no different than my students, looking for someone that can listen, I am always looking for someone that just may care, I am looking for compassion.