Over due thoughts

This is an overdue check in of thoughts.

Work - going slow.  My observer that is responsible for me keeping my job is very, very, very by the book but with her own expectations.  I never know until after the fact if she is good with me or not.  I have to have a perfect score on the next 2 observations to keep my job after December.  Talk about pressure.

Kids - it's tough with one of them.  I wish I could be the perfect mom that they want and need.  I cry every night.

House - still extremely cluttered and making me crazy.  I clean what I can when I can.

I hired someone to fix and add to my home, well it looks like I am truly a bad judge of men and should never trust another one again.  The guy I hired is in jail and like any other man, except my father, the job is not finished and scattered all over the back yard.

Me - Not dating, it is lonely but I'm okay (sort of) with that.  I get really lonely and would really like to have someone to spoil me and let me know I am important to them.  I have had some attention, unwanted, from a man.  He just does not get that he comes off really strong and he may say he only wants to be friends but that is not how it seems and feels.  I am not interested like that in him and his attention makes me feel very uncomfortable.  Yes I have told him, but I have seen little change in his behavior. It is almost creepy.

I am feeling overwhelmed and discouraged again, about everything.