When a path needs redirecting

One dream I have had since little, really little, was to be a teacher.

At 52 I graduated with my Bachelor degree in Elementary Teaching.  The first to graduate from college with a 4 year degree in one branch of my family.  I substituted for for the rest of that school year, between surgeries (you can go read all about that in the past posts).

At 54 I was picked up as a classroom teacher.  I was so happy and excited and scared all at once.  I was also being divorced by my husband of what will ultimately be 25 years by the time the divorce was final.  It was a hard year then and a couple following it.

Yet, at 54 I became a first year teacher alongside 20 somethings.  I was one of 7 hired for the school staff.  I agreed to specialized training for the first summer there, this too is talked about in other posts (it did not turn out as expected or promised) which in part put me on the hire list.  By Winter break 3 of the 7 of us had either walked out, never to return or turned in their notice and not come back in January.  They quit because they were not prepared or supported or the aggression from students and most certainly all three.  4 of us returned the following year with a new administration team.  Along with new teachers and a new substitute.  Things were not much better that year and at least 2 staff members quit.  The next year - One of the building subs quit at the beginning of that year. Again we had new administration to "lead". At the end of that year 2 teachers transferred out, 2 or 3 retired and 1 quit.  This past year, much the same.  This year, 6 have quit in year two of the current  administration.  I wonder who will come back in January after winter break?

For last year and this year I have been a building T.A. and not a teacher.  I made someone mad, but I get a teacher contract but am not allowed to have a classroom.  I pass all my observations with quality marks.  I can not get an answer or documentation from HR or the the department that observed me telling me why I can not be a classroom teacher either.

Students hit and strike teachers.  The teachers get written up because they don't have classroom management. I can not share how many students are violent, but I would not be writing this if it was just a few.  Teachers get turned into social services for breaking up fist fights in their classrooms.  Why?  They put their hands on a student to break up a fight where two students were hurting each other.  Students leave the classroom without permission and run the halls and teachers get written up.  Teachers call in sick or take time off for true documented medical reasons and the principal writes them up.  It is just all crazy.  The assistant principal is worn ragged by going from classroom to classroom breaking up fights, calling parents, reporting to a principal that only coddles the children and parents of the students that keep teachers from teaching.  Teachers are not supported by the head of school or parents when children are disrespectful and defiant.  How are teachers supposed to control a child that is so entitled and not held accountable for their actions?  Truth is, there is nothing we can do in the classroom when children are told not to listen to us by their parents and lead administrator's actions.

I did not become a teacher to be hit by students, have rulers and pencils and chairs and desks thrown at me.  I did not become a teacher to be cussed out, called stupid white bitch, fucking bitch, hoe, ugly bitch and c*nt.
I did not become a teacher to be someones pawn just so they can further themselves at the cost of others.  The violence against teachers and students and the bullying by our head administrator is so horrible where I work that, again, this year from August to now all 3 of our related arts teachers quit, a kindergarten teacher quit, a 5th grade teacher quit, a 3rd grade teacher has been out on medical leave for 2 months, a substitute has quit, and a custodian has turned in his notice.

I fulfilled a life long goal to get my teaching degree and certification to be a teacher.  To TEACH!  Not to be so emotionally, psychologically and physically exhausted and betrayed by administration to come home and sleep for 12 hours or more every night.  I did not become a teacher to be afraid of being in a classroom.  I did not become a teacher to have another adult who feels so greatly superior to every other person that they abuse their staff or work for a district that is so dysfunctional that the right hand does not know what the left hand is doing.

I did not become a teacher to be abused in any way shape or form.

I became a teacher to teach, to guide, to inspire.
If I can not do that, then I will find a way to be the teacher that children need or I will not teach at all.